Funny Ways to Get Even
     ~from the book 101 Ways to Get Even

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"A friend who is perpetually late to dinner reservations is allowed to be replaced at the table by either a Muppet, a bag of pistachios, or a telescope. Late party must recite an apologetic Haiku to regain place at the feast: poem to be judged on originality and use of props. "

We have all felt wronged in our lives where getting even was on our mind. The ringing cell phone during your favorite orchestra concert, the driving habits of the jerk, the store that won't take back the defective item, a sneaky octopus, all these things can really get a person's blood boiling. Sometimes we are at a loss for the proper way to retaliate, so outlined below are 11 different ways/situations to get even taken from the full length book currently in production. Many of these you may have encountered yourself or witnessed in disgust. Explore the never ending possibilities of payback.

Some of these are really good ways to get even, but do not do them...below are humorous suggestions meant to be taken as such. An eye for an eye is costly too in the real world. But the beauty of the written word is that we can explore ideas that probably shouldn't always be put into practice. ;)  not always...
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11 Great Ways to Get Even

  1. A friend who is perpetually late to dinner reservations is allowed to be replaced at the table by either a Muppet, a bag of pistachios, or a telescope. Late party must recite an apologetic Haiku to regain place at the feast: poem to be judged on originality and use of props.
  2. People often do not clean up the poop of their pooch, leaving the mess to the rest. These people also may be encouraged to discontinue this habit when their own yard is completely filled, magically, with empty spam cans.... oh and their swimming pool with the contents.
  3. The dishes pile up and none of them are yours. You have two choices: 1.) place dirty dishes in a cardboard box, address to owner, and ship away. or 2.) Replace dirty dishes with a lion
  4. Fake vomit can serve as your trump card when faced with refusal trying to return a defective appliance.
  5. A deer found dining in your garden most likely will not return if you, dressed as an astronaut, jump out of a bush hurling handfuls of spaghetti at the fawn screaming "why couldn't you like Italian food?!? Wwhhhhyyyy!?"
  6. Privacy policy changes from major companies can be offset by creating a profile on their network under the alias Duke O. Growl that when signed in shares links, pictures, and stories relating only to dogs and space travel. If that doesn't throw a bone in their algorithm, nothing will. 
  7. Reimbursement from the dry cleaners for a ruined article of clothing may only a future dream. Getting even may be as simple as stuffing your pockets with monopoly money and rice cakes... greatly increasing your chances for a flawless clean.
  8. Driving along on the highway often leads to a case of "Why is that person in the passing lane going 5 miles under the speed limit passing a truck going 6 miles under the speed limit" syndrome. Having a sign ready for the slow moving car that reads "I noticed your bumper needs a good waxing after staring at for the past 15 minutes, coming to the conclusion that it must be the dirty bumper causing extreme wind drag that would cause you to drive so slowly. Have a wonderful day! Eyes back on the ROAD!!
  9. To even the score with car radio thieves replace yours a potato gun.
  10. One historically revered way to get even with a surgeon who removes your leg after you just needed to get your tonsils out (clerical error supposedly) is to replace all their home furniture with exact miniature replicas. This way your sword yielding bison of justice looks more intimidating
  11. The only thing that says "We're even" more than tying someone shoelaces together is tying someone's shoelaces together after sneaking them laxatives and locking every available bathroom (best if done in victims home).

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