Funny Ways to Open a Speech
"If it wasn't for all of you here today, I would be alone."
Giving speeches is hard. Being funny during a speech is even harder. But the glory obtained from getting a laugh, especially from an entire audience, is well worth the effort. Maybe you suffer from chills, or stomach butterflies, or maybe just like to see people smile. If that sounds like you, than opening a speech with a wisecrack can inspire the Kennedy in you. Give a funny speech and you could save the world.
These funny speech openers have been written for you as a guide. There are some creative liberties that you can use to make the intro your own. Maybe you are giving a speech at a fisherman’s expo and opening with a farming joke will leave you flat. Maybe your clever anecdote about a trout doesn’t fit with the economists at the World Bank Conference. Always keep your audience in mind if you want your audience to laugh.
Giving speeches is hard. Being funny during a speech is even harder. But the glory obtained from getting a laugh, especially from an entire audience, is well worth the effort. Maybe you suffer from chills, or stomach butterflies, or maybe just like to see people smile. If that sounds like you, than opening a speech with a wisecrack can inspire the Kennedy in you. Give a funny speech and you could save the world.
These funny speech openers have been written for you as a guide. There are some creative liberties that you can use to make the intro your own. Maybe you are giving a speech at a fisherman’s expo and opening with a farming joke will leave you flat. Maybe your clever anecdote about a trout doesn’t fit with the economists at the World Bank Conference. Always keep your audience in mind if you want your audience to laugh.
Funny Ways to Open a Talk
1.) If it wasn’t for all of you here today, I would be alone.
2.) I am not much of a speech writer, though I do like to try and interject humor where and I can. For full effect it would be best if you all remained clothed in my mind and I was pictured naked in yours.
3.) If you can hear me, please start clapping as to confuse those that cannot make out what I am saying.
4.) For your comfort I have chewed a stick of spearmint gum prior to this speaking engagement.
5.) The last time I gave a speech the only response I got was “Guilty!”
6.) If your speech is long it better be good, if it is bad it better be short, and if you fail at this you better have free candy. (throw out candy.)
7.) Welcome everyone to our annual mashed potato convention. (works at most conventions, except those involving farming, you have been warned)
8.) In my alternate reality the audience becomes nervous before I give the speech, while I sit in the back impatiently waiting.
9.) In order to give my words more weight I am taking all of you out to McDonald’s after this speech.
10.) I have designed this talk to end abruptly at any time. First person to yell “Bingo!” after the speech ends wins a prize. This way I am guaranteed your attention and you are guaranteed someone yelling out “Bingo!” prematurely. Plus there is a prize, possibly a free t-shirt.
11.) I hope you all brought a number 2 pencil.
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